Untitled design (22).png

Divorce: The Ultimate Life-Changing Experience

I had to face my own reality many years ago when I knew I had to make the decision to get a divorce. I was in a toxic relationship and abuse was my story.

I had three kids and it was not an easy divorce. It was a high conflict divorce and a two-year battle.

The process of divorce was tormenting and a painful process especially because my children was used as pawns of manipulation which is what toxic people do. Use and abuse human vulnerability.

It shook every bone in my body to think that now I was going to fail and that my girls would be a product of a “broken home.”

As I faced my shattered reality, my emotions changed every second.

I had so many questions and so much fear. I wasn’t calm for a moment and I knew I had to get a grip on this divorce and process because I had no choice but to face my deepest fear of fighting with a toxic man that had no sensibility in his mind, psyche, or emotions.

I kept asking questions like, “Why is this happening to me?”

“Why can’t I stop it?” “And why am I living my worst nightmare?”

I was asking questions that seemed to have no answers which led me to the process of creating a Divorce with meaning and significance.

These questions forced me to look deep within myself and examine my inner world.

I had many sleepless nights and I would lie down in my bed trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Why couldn't I see the man I married. Were there Red Flags I didn’t see? How could I have had children with this man? What a mess!

As time went by, it became increasingly obvious that I could either use this time to beat myself up or I could choose to see my divorce as an ultimate life-changing experience.

A journey toward wholeness. I began to see the divorce as an opportunity to learn about myself and observe, question, and transform behaviors that no longer served me.

Learning about myself, examining my values and beliefs, and dissecting my inner truth and judgments became the center of my focus.

I began to awaken my inner truth and gave myself the opportunity to wake up and I began to break down the walls and allowed the pain to guide me instead of pushing it away and it forced me to seek answers from places I never looked before.

I began to know that the breakdown of my relationship was for a greater purpose. I had to understand and discover that there is a reason I was going through this pain. I used this knowledge and compassion for my very own human experience.

I went through the process of healing and it brought me back to a place deep inside that is filled with wisdom, knowledge, and compassion regardless of how dark my situation was.

I stayed Strong-Child Focused-Moved Forward….

Divorce: The Ultimate Life-Changing Experience - Action Steps

It is time to step out of the shadow of your divorce story and into the light of genuine facts that contributed to the divorce.

It is time to get real and search for your inner truth by writing it down in a journal or pen and paper.

Instructions:

1. It’s time to create a writing spot where it is free from distractions. Make yourself a cup of tea or a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.

2. This is time to be kind to your human soul and the language expressed should be your darkest feelings, vulnerability, and deepest secrets. Give yourself permission to bring forth whatever needs to be said concerning yourself, your ex-partner, and your divorce.

3. Allow a few days to pass by and go back and read this letter. Then ask yourself as you revisit each detail.

4. How much is this true? How much of this is fiction? Circle each Truth and write T next to it and then circle Fiction and write F next to it.

5. Now it’s time to write on a piece of paper all the Truth and all the Fiction by making a line in the middle of your paper.

It may surprise you!

6. Go back and rewrite your story only with the Truth. Is your story different?